How do we start a coaching relationship?

TL;DR: The first step in building a coaching-client relationship is scheduling up an introductory session of about an hour to learn more about each other, where you want to go, and how I can help.  This introductory session doesn’t cost anything — you and I both co-invest our time and see where that takes us.  At the same time, I can send a couple of digestible emails to give a little more background on my coaching .  After this I can introduce the client to references if needed.  You can set up a this introductory call to learn more here. Or if you are ready to dive in we can schedule up our first 1 hour coaching call by emailing me at eric@ericmathews.com.

More Background on Building Our Coaching Relationship

I like to crawl before I walk and walk before I run.  I think it is incredibly important to be vulnerable and build trust for our relationship to work and for you to get the quantum leap level results desired.  Building that relationship doesn’t come easy and sometimes it won’t arrive at all.  And that’s ok.  But we’ll want to figure that out quickly through structured “dating” and figuring out if our relationship will empower each other.  I will see how self aware you are. You’ll see if I am self aware, too.  We’ll make sure I know your strengths and weaknesses and you know mine.  We will find our blind spots. 

Some things we’ll want to cover and consider and even try out during the relationship building process:

  • What do you want to get out of coaching?
  • Can we see each other in a variety of contexts and enjoy each other’s company?
  • Are we adding energy to each other’s lives when we are together?
  • What are the quantum leaps and the big ideas?  
  • Do we complement each other?
  • Are you coachable and am I the right coach?

Overall the right fit for those I work with looks like:

  • Willingness to dive deep and view all angles and aspects as contributing or holding us back from very big wins
  • Honesty
  • Humility
  • Grit and Perseverance 
  • Willingness to go to the “gym” (all of the gyms) and do the hard work
  • Curiosity and openness to learn
  • Realizing the journey is the reward . . . to celebrate success and lift each other in defeat.

My job is to make you better and enable you to serve your team better through enhanced self awareness and quantum leaps of goals and action noting that we all must be a servant to something bigger than ourselves. 

While I seek anti-bullshitters who work to end dishonesty with others and dishonesty with themselves, I am not without sensitivity to imposter syndrome and other fears that can hold us back. Our prior history shapes the present.  We’ll sort it all out together.  

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For my colleagues and friends who are looking to grow and lead in new ways, I periodically assemble together a compact email of curated insights, information, new thinking, tools, articles, essays, and more. Sign up here to get both if you are interested. These emails will come occasionally, not often. If you get too many of them or not enough good stuff, please let me know so I can adjust. When you sign up you will get a welcome email with my Life Planning System which is my most requested tool.


I’d like to send you my Life Planning System to grow and lead in new ways along with a curated email with insights, articles, and other reflections that I send to friends and colleagues. Sign up here to get both if you are interested.






These emails will come occasionally, not often. If you get too many of them or not enough good stuff, please let me know so I can adjust.

To Do More, Become More.

insights, articles, and other reflections that I send to friends and colleagues.

Experts, Leaders, & Mentors Are Not Coaches

It is important that we all understand the difference between Experts, Leaders, Mentors, and Coaches.

Experts: An expert is a person who has a comprehensive and authoritative knowledge of or skill in a particular area.  You usually call upon them when things aren’t going well and you need help solving a problem.  When you bring an expert they start tackling symptoms and technical faults.

Leaders: Certainly the best leaders coach but most guide and direct people without a coaching mindset.  There are leaders that earn the respect and esteem of those they serve (aka Servant Leaders). There are situational leaders who are called to step in to fill a gap and help in a time of need.  There are also the positional leaders who are placed in leadership roles – some, of course, try to earn the respect of those they lead once in those positions, but others may manage and abuse their power and authority, losing the respect of those they lead.  This is not coaching either. 

Mentors: Coaching is often confused with mentoring.  A mentor shares with a mentee (or protege) information about his or her own career path, as well as provides guidance, motivation, emotional support, and role modeling.  A mentor may help with exploring careers, setting goals, developing contacts, and identifying resources. They can take the form of teachers, sponsors, advisors, agents, role models, and confidantes.  Mentors can be more experienced in the arena in which the advice is sought.  

Coaches: A coach does not depend on being an expert or being more experienced – a coach is not passing down their knowledge and that is intentional.  If a coach is working to increase and sustain performance, then that knowledge must be earned by the coachee.  Mastery comes from self-belief.  Coaching requires expertise in only coaching and those coaches who are not formally trained may even have greater coaching skills as they are also built over time going beyond the limits of formal training.  Coaches do not need to be experts because they are awareness raisers for the coachee.  Every time expert input is provided it diminishes the responsibility of the coachee. Coaching is about believing in the potential of the individual and creating self responsibility. It is very hard for those with high expertise to withhold their knowledge sufficiently to coach well.  This is why you can point to many examples where the best players in the world of sports made horrible coaches. Experts tackle symptoms and technical faults, whereas a non-expert will raise self awareness of problems.  Being detached from expertise brings curiosity on the part of the coach to guide coachee into a state of self awareness. Coaching is about optimizing individuality and uniqueness and never to mold opinions and best practices.  Coaching has been defined by some as “partnering in a thought-provoking and creative process to maximize personal and professional potential.”  The best coaches should take a coachee beyond the knowledge and other limitations of the coach.